Short story - Will and Bert
by roryroryrory
Here's one from yesteryear. I wrote and illustrated "Will and Bert" in about 1999. It still remains one of my favourite stories.
In a goldfish bowl lived Will and Bert,
Sedate by nature but always alert,
Forever cruising around and around
With an eye to the air and a fin to the ground.
For every so often a cat named Kim
Would sidle a paw up close to the rim,
Tipping the bowl to make it spill
So she could "play" with Bert and Will.
But every time they'd see her coming;
Instead of bubbling, haa-ing and humming,
They'd get out the keys and undo the locks
And take out some costumes from their fancy-dress box.
Kim would peer deep in the dish
Searching all over for the two goldfish,
But in heavy disguise were Will and Bert -
Will in a kilt and Bert in a shirt.
Stepping back from the bowl, the puzzled Kim
Said "Those aren't the fish that are normally in,
I could play with these but I'll wait until
I get my chance with Bert and Will.
When Kim appeared, (every time),
The fish would play this pantomime.
And they'd both dress up, (that's Will and Bert),
Will in a moustache and Bert in a skirt.
As time went by, the determined Kim
Decided to enquire of the things within.
She futtered her eyelids (as if to flirt)
"Excuse me kind sirs, but where's Will and Bert?"
"You look tasty too" she said with a smirk;
Wills' reply to Kim was perfectly curt;
"Moggy my dearest, I konw it's your wish
But as you can see, we're cowboys, not fish".
"While your outfit's authentic", commented Kim,
"I can't help but notice your fishy gold skin;
And under your hat I can see a gill"
And so she took a swipe at Bert and Will.
The two fish darted behind some rocks,
Then moved fast for the fancy dress box.
Pondering the problem they found themselves in,
(Holed up in their bowl, escaping from Kim).
"I have the answer", all at once said Bert,
"Swallow some water; shoot it out like a spurt.
They surfaced and squirted the water at Kim,
Soaking her fur right through to the skin.
That proved to be a lesson for Kim,
Who quickly learnt that the fish always win.
Sitting out of range on the window sill
And watching the ever alert Bert and Will.
In a goldfish bowl lived Will and Bert,
Sedate by nature but always alert,
Forever cruising around and around
With an eye to the air and a fin to the ground.
For every so often a cat named Kim
Would sidle a paw up close to the rim,
Tipping the bowl to make it spill
So she could "play" with Bert and Will.
But every time they'd see her coming;
Instead of bubbling, haa-ing and humming,
They'd get out the keys and undo the locks
And take out some costumes from their fancy-dress box.
Kim would peer deep in the dish
Searching all over for the two goldfish,
But in heavy disguise were Will and Bert -
Will in a kilt and Bert in a shirt.
Stepping back from the bowl, the puzzled Kim
Said "Those aren't the fish that are normally in,
I could play with these but I'll wait until
I get my chance with Bert and Will.
When Kim appeared, (every time),
The fish would play this pantomime.
And they'd both dress up, (that's Will and Bert),
Will in a moustache and Bert in a skirt.
As time went by, the determined Kim
Decided to enquire of the things within.
She futtered her eyelids (as if to flirt)
"Excuse me kind sirs, but where's Will and Bert?"
"You look tasty too" she said with a smirk;
Wills' reply to Kim was perfectly curt;
"Moggy my dearest, I konw it's your wish
But as you can see, we're cowboys, not fish".
"While your outfit's authentic", commented Kim,
"I can't help but notice your fishy gold skin;
And under your hat I can see a gill"
And so she took a swipe at Bert and Will.
The two fish darted behind some rocks,
Then moved fast for the fancy dress box.
Pondering the problem they found themselves in,
(Holed up in their bowl, escaping from Kim).
"I have the answer", all at once said Bert,
"Swallow some water; shoot it out like a spurt.
They surfaced and squirted the water at Kim,
Soaking her fur right through to the skin.
That proved to be a lesson for Kim,
Who quickly learnt that the fish always win.
Sitting out of range on the window sill
And watching the ever alert Bert and Will.
